Author Archives: Bert

25 Incredible Real Names

Crook Klutz (1913-1979) and 24 Other “Unique” American Names

Uncle Fester (Jackie Coogan)

A useful tool for genealogists, the Social Security Death Index (SSDI) contains over 92 million death records for individuals with United States Social Security numbers. There are many portals to give you access to the list. On some web portals for the SSDI you can enter just the first name, which can yield interesting results.

Either their parents thought they were being funny or in some cases they were just cruel. Maybe the person had their name legally changed. Who knows.

Besides Crook Klutz, the ones that stood out in no particular order:

24. Dummy Boy 1896-1969 (Not a name you’d want to call out in public.)

23. Hitler Johnson 1933-1986  (Nice. Definitely a way to distinguish yourself from the other Johnson’s in your town.)

22. Uncle Caves 1911-1977

21. Strange Amos 1884-1966 (How did the parents know?)

20. Fatty Claw 1884-1973

19. Lurch Williams 1906-1979 (The only person ever named Lurch.)

18. Danger Dangervil 1943-2005

17. Weird Adkins 1917-1964

16. Shitley J. Metcalf  1949-2012 (No way.)

15. Poison Repp 1913-1964

14. Phony Brooks 1903-1966 (Did Phony have a hard time making friends?)

13. Murder Williams 1926-1983

12. Fester King 1896-1971 [also another Fester King 1915-1974, Senior and Junior perhaps?]  (Everyone should have an Uncle Fester.)

11. Flipper Butts 1919-1975 (Perfect name for the adult entertainment industry.)

10. Moron Bobo 1896-1974 (The last name alone would probably lead to a difficult life, adding the first insures it.)

9. Jack Ass 1958-2003 (Could have had a franchise on that name.)

8. Hernia Dalton 1906-1976 (Ow.)

7. Very Bland 1979-1999

6. Big Wife 1888-1982

5. Funny Smith 1919-1986 (Was he? Or is “Funny” a she?)

4. Zoo Parks 1897-1981

3. Will Moron Read 1927-1989 (I don’t know. How did he do in school?)

2. Pimp Freeman 1893-1983 (That is kind of cool in a weird way.)

1. Jesus Christ 1941-2007.  (Guess you missed him. He was here. I’ve always wondered if Jesus were to return would anyone recognize him? Apparently not.)

Prophetic Words About Lying Politicians From T. De Witt Talmage

Our 21st Century Dysfunctional Politicians Accurately Described

DeWitt TalmageHe described our lying politicians better than anyone today could have. And he did it 140 years ago.

T. De Witt Talmage (1832-1902) was a sanctimonious Brooklyn preacher who attained a huge following in the 19th century as an orator and prolific author. Overflow crowds attended his Sunday sermons at The Brooklyn Tabernacle.

Talamge's Brooklyn Tabernacle courtesy New York Public Library

Brooklyn Tabernacle

 

 

 

While many people were quite enthralled by Talmage, there were just as many critics who called him a “pulpit clown” and a “mountebank.”

As would be expected from any of the crusading Victorian holy rollers, Talmage railed against vice and crime in his writings and firebrand speeches. His verse contains the typical road to ruin warnings that make reading his books unbearable today. However, Talmage did manage to string together some words that still ring true. Especially about lying.

If you didn’t know any better, you would swear that Talmage is describing our modern day politicians. This short passage is from 1872.

LIES: WHITE AND BLACK.

Abominations of modern Society Talmage

There are ten thousand ways of telling a lie. A man’s entire life may be a falsehood, while with his lips he may not once directly falsify. There are those who state what is positively untrue, but afterwards say, “may be,” softly. These departures from the truth are called “white lies;” but there is really no such thing as a white lie. Continue reading

What’s Really Important

A  Reflection Of Our Stupidity As A Nation

DeWitt Clinton monument 3 Green Wood CemeteryDeWitt Clinton– the main proponent of the Erie Canal; New York Governor; U.S. Senator; a man who built an infrastructure that would transform American life, enhancing economic opportunity, political participation, and intellectual awareness –  has a significantly shorter entry on Wikipedia than the MTV show Jersey Shore.

Five Of The Best Latin Quotations

Latin To Impress Your Friends & Improve Your Mind

Certain maxims, proverbs or quotations simply sound better in Latin.  Here are five simple and profound Latin quotations from great books.

“Malum quidem nullum esse sine aliquo bono.”
There is no evil without something good.
(Plinius the Elder, Naturalis historia)

“Mea mihi conscientia pluris est quam omnium sermo.”
My conscience means more to me than all speech.
(Cicero, Epistulae ad Atticum)

“Odi profanum vulgus et arceo.”
I loathe the uneducated mass and keep them away from me.
(Horatius, Carmina.)

“Oderint, dum metuant.”
May they hate me, if only they fear me.
(Suetonius, Vitae Caesarum, Caligula)

“Dulce bellum inexpertis.”
War is sweet to those not acquainted with it.
(Pindar, Greek poet)

The “Artwork” Of The 110 Harbor Freeway Los Angeles

Why Go To The Museum of Contemporary Art or The Getty?

If you live around Los Angeles you may be too busy to go to a museum to see paintings. Luckily or unfortunately depending on your point of view, you can always get your fill of “art” while driving to work.

On the constantly congested 110 Freeway, one can take in up close the utter decay of the city every 6 to 30 feet. That is the range of distance between the supporting pillars of the freeway on the median. There you can admire the ugly, illegible scrawls of grade school drop-outs.

The “Lovely Artwork”

Continue reading

The New York Times Obituaries Occasionally Celebrates Low-Lifes, Yet Ignores Deserving Artists and Notables

Who Gets A New York Times Obituary Write-up?

What do legendary blues and heavy metal guitarist, Gary Moore, rock album photographer Jim McCrary and playwright, screenwriter, author and jazz champion Max Wilk all have in common?

When they died, the New York Times did not cover their deaths in the obituary column. We all know space is limited, but these people were significant in their artistic fields, enriching the lives of countless others.  It would be nice had the self-proclaimed “newspaper of record” recorded and noted their amazing lives. But The Times editors felt these people were not deserving.

The official policy about who the The Times decides to write up is :

When we look to see whether someone had made a newsworthy impact in some way — who “made a wrinkle in the social fabric,” — we don’t equate significance with fame. In point of fact, 9 out of 10 people we write about are indeed not household names (the 10th is — a movie star, a secretary of state). But that doesn’t negate their importance. Most made their marks in quiet ways, out of the public limelight, but they still made a mark, possibly on your life and mine.

So who is deserving?

Apparently an unremarkable low-life, graffiti tagger, StayHigh 149, a.k.a. Wayne Roberts , can get a full write-up.

Yes, Roberts definitely, as the Times puts it, “made a mark on your life and mine.”

More like a blemish.

Especially in New York City in the 1970’s when the city was bombarded with the eyesore of graffiti defacing public and private property.

As is noted in the obituary, this great man (sarcasm) in the 1960’s was working as a messenger on Wall Street and smoking about an ounce of marijuana a week, earning the Stay High nickname.

Inspired by other vandals tagging subway cars, he then began defacing public property.

Chris Pape a fellow graffiti  aficionado says in the Times obituary:

“He (Roberts) rode empty trains all day with markers in his pocket, and he wrote everywhere.” By the early ’80s, Pape said, drugs had begun to take their toll. Roberts left his World Trade Center job, and his wife, because of his drug use. “He was a functional junkie who occasionally did time in prison for stupid things,” Pape said. “He was like that for 20 years. He didn’t want to be found.”

For some reason, I can only think of the millions of wasted dollars that it cost taxpayers to eradicate the vandalism this cretin created.  As I have said before – graffiti is definitely not art.

This is the sort of person The New York Times chooses to cover in their obituaries?

For the record, when one of the most influential singers in heavy metal history, Ronnie James Dio, died on May 16, 2010, the following day The Times devoted 493 words to summing up his life.

Graffiti vandal Wayne Roberts had 838 words written about him.