How Much Can I NOT Save? An Example OF Stupid Advertising
The fact that Shop Rite Supermarket was selling fresh lemons last year at 4 for $1.99 was not surprising. Continue reading
Dumb Advertisement Sign Of The Day
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Author Archives: Bert
The Top 10 Rude & Annoying Things People Do In New York City
Distracting Devices, Double Parked Trucks And Too Much Perfume
There are hundreds of things that are daily annoyances in New York. But to live in New York you have to be impervious to many of them. Bad behavior is avoidable, but many New Yorker’s think they are above everyone else and the rules of civility or the law do not apply to them.
Obviously the sort of behaviors described below are not confined to New York City, but seem to flourish here. Here are my top 10 stupid/rude/self-centered actions that get my blood pressure rising.
Tell me you haven’t seen this on the streets of New York?
1 – People Who Walk Around With Those Giant Golf Umbrellas (a.k.a the inconsiderate bastard umbrella)
Okay its raining, you don’t have to cover an area the size of Missouri with your ginormous umbrella which is more appropriate for the beach rather than city streets.
They are called golf umbrellas and unless you are playing a round at Augusta, they are too big for the city. EVERY time you pass a person with one of these monstrosities they always bump into your umbrella or nearly take out an eye. The people carrying them are unapologetic dunderheads.
2 – Women Who Douse Themselves In Perfume
Perfume is worse than farting
Let’s get one thing straight: 99 out of 100 people do not need perfume.
This is not 1789 Louis XVI France where people never bathe or modern France where they bathe twice per year.
Of course some women aspire to smell like strippers, but unless you are going for the pole-dancer scent you don’t need perfume or cologne to make you smell decent. Regular showering and soap use is quite enough.
If you are putting on more than the tiniest amount of perfume we can smell you and let me tell you – you STINK! No one else is going to tell you, so I will. You could kill an army with the amount of perfume you’re wearing and you don’t even realize it.
In a subway, bus, elevator, restaurant or other enclosed place you, Ms. Valentine Valentina Assoluto wearer, are more offensive than the stinkiest gas emission from your arse.
So let me reiterate- perfume is not sexy and no one likes your god-awful perfume except you. So stop wearing so much of it. By the way, this goes for men too.
3 – Those Who Text While Crossing the Street
New York City recently started a campaign where they have painted the word “L O O K” in big bold white letters on the ground at major intersections. Continue reading
Graffiti As Vandalism, Not Art
Museum of The City Of New York Graffiti Exhibition Doesn’t Show What The Majority Of Graffiti Is – Unintelligible Scrawls By Vandals
I caught the newest exhibit at The Museum of the City of New York entitled “City as Canvas,” which glorifies the practitioners of graffiti and their “work” during the 1970’s and 1980’s in New York City.
For anyone who thinks that graffiti is something to be celebrated in a retrospective by an exhibition at an important cultural institution, here is some evidence to contradict that viewpoint.
Iouri Podladtchikov, Olympic half-pipe king visits the lower east side with typical graffiti defacing a grand old building. photo – Casey Kelbaugh for the New York Times
A typical display of current graffiti “art” as seen in this building covered by spray paint on the lower east side really is a better representation of the so called graffiti artist. It pains me to see old handcrafted stone buildings covered with paint. The beautiful Queensboro Bridge girders and stonework are always being cleaned and re-painted due to these miscreants who attack our public property with their spray cans, markers and etching knives.
Subway graffiti photo taken Feb 8, 1982
The onslaught of graffiti began in earnest in the subway system in the 1970’s where riding a train was a demoralizing prospect. Almost every single car was covered in dripping unintelligible paint and marker scrawls, which obliterated any blank spaces. Continue reading
The Worst Vegas Lounge Act & Rock Cover Song Rendition- EVER
Jon Thor Covering (Butchering) Sweet’s Hard Rock Classic “Action”
What is the worst cover song rendition of a rock song by any person or band of all time?
Of course that is subjective and debatable, but this may be it.
Don’t be tempted to name any William Shatner cover as the worst. Shatner has a method to his madness.
If you can, stay with this five minute video, it will be worth it for its jaw dropping kitschiness.
Everything is perfect. The camera shots of the admiring(?) 1970s female audience members. The inexplicable presence in the background on stage of the Watermelon Mountain jug band smiling and standing there doing nothing. The live Vegas orchestration and rearrangement of what was once a great rock song. And the best part, the over the top histrionics of the main act.
So with that summary, on national television, with Merv Griffin doing the introduction, from 1976, here is Jon Thor straight from the Aladdin Hotel’s Red, Hot and Blue Show doing his “Muscle Rock” rendition of Sweet’s Action.
For those who do not know what the original version of Action sounds like, because any resemblance of Jon Thor’s version to a real rock song is purely coincidental, here is Sweet’s original version recorded in 1975.
If you are wondering whatever happened Continue reading
The Devil’s Dictionary – Giving Words New Meanings
25 Definitions From The Devil’s Dictionary By Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913?) was the cynic’s cynic. A writer and reporter of immense talent, Bierce served in the Union army during the American Civil War and was seriously wounded in the head. Bierce’s most famous work is the short war story “An Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge.”
Satiric and biting in his verse, Bierce first published The Cynic’s Word Book in 1906 which contained uninhibited definitions of words from A-L. The second half of the work containing words from M-Z was published as The Devil’s Dictionary in 1911, which was the title Bierce preferred. It has been in print now for over 100 years and many of it’s tongue-in-cheek definitions are still quoted today. It is now in the public domain, so the book is available online for free and worth reading.
Bierce traveled to Mexico in 1913 to witness the Mexican Civil War and vanished without a trace.
Here are 25 of the best definitions from The Devil’s Dictionary:
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.
BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat.
CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
HAPPINESS, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. Continue reading
The Strange Origin Of Modern Building Fire Laws In Britain
Why Every Employee Must Be Able To Reach A Fire Exit In Under Two And A Half Minutes
Empire Theatre Fire photo Edinburgh Libraries and Museums and Galleries
The Telegraph just featured an interesting interview with Professor of Fire and Structures at Edinburgh University, Luke Bisby.
Professor Bisby does something I also do as well, which is when I enter a building I have never visited, I check how to get out of the building and where the fire exits are. Of course he looks at other factors that the average person wouldn’t take into account such as what is hanging on the walls and what the carpeting is made of.
Among the topics discussed was: why there are such tough safety rules in place in case of a fire in office worker’s buildings in the U.K.. The answer he provides is fascinating:
It may not be a surprise to learn that there are tight regulations surrounding the positioning and width of fire exits, and their location relative to workers’ desks, in a modern office.
But the basis for the stringent rules, which state that every employee must be able to reach a fire exit within two-and-a-half minutes, and that fire doors must be wide enough for all employees to pass through within the same time frame, is scarcely to be believed.
“This two-and-a-half minutes is the fundamental basis on which the built environment can exist,” Prof Bisby said. “You would presume there must be a good reason for it.
“The reason is that two-and-a-half minutes is, I’m told, the mean length of God Save the Queen. The British national anthem, when played in full, by a concert orchestra.”
The stipulation can be traced back to a fire at Edinburgh’s Empire Palace Theatre in 1911 which broke out during a performance by a French illusionist named The Great Lafayette, he explained. Continue reading
25 Incredible Real Names
Crook Klutz (1913-1979) and 24 Other “Unique” American Names
Uncle Fester (Jackie Coogan)
A useful tool for genealogists, the Social Security Death Index (SSDI) contains over 92 million death records for individuals with United States Social Security numbers. There are many portals to give you access to the list. On some web portals for the SSDI you can enter just the first name, which can yield interesting results.
Either their parents thought they were being funny or in some cases they were just cruel. Maybe the person had their name legally changed. Who knows.
Besides Crook Klutz, the ones that stood out in no particular order:
24. Dummy Boy 1896-1969 (Not a name you’d want to call out in public.)
23. Hitler Johnson 1933-1986 (Nice. Definitely a way to distinguish yourself from the other Johnson’s in your town.)
22. Uncle Caves 1911-1977
21. Strange Amos 1884-1966 (How did the parents know?)
20. Fatty Claw 1884-1973
19. Lurch Williams 1906-1979 (The only person ever named Lurch.)
18. Danger Dangervil 1943-2005
17. Weird Adkins 1917-1964
16. Shitley J. Metcalf 1949-2012 (No way.)
15. Poison Repp 1913-1964
14. Phony Brooks 1903-1966 (Did Phony have a hard time making friends?)
13. Murder Williams 1926-1983
12. Fester King 1896-1971 [also another Fester King 1915-1974, Senior and Junior perhaps?] (Everyone should have an Uncle Fester.)
11. Flipper Butts 1919-1975 (Perfect name for the adult entertainment industry.)
10. Moron Bobo 1896-1974 (The last name alone would probably lead to a difficult life, adding the first insures it.)
9. Jack Ass 1958-2003 (Could have had a franchise on that name.)
8. Hernia Dalton 1906-1976 (Ow.)
7. Very Bland 1979-1999
6. Big Wife 1888-1982
5. Funny Smith 1919-1986 (Was he? Or is “Funny” a she?)
4. Zoo Parks 1897-1981
3. Will Moron Read 1927-1989 (I don’t know. How did he do in school?)
2. Pimp Freeman 1893-1983 (That is kind of cool in a weird way.)
1. Jesus Christ 1941-2007. (Guess you missed him. He was here. I’ve always wondered if Jesus were to return would anyone recognize him? Apparently not.)
Prophetic Words About Lying Politicians From T. De Witt Talmage
Our 21st Century Dysfunctional Politicians Accurately Described
He described our lying politicians better than anyone today could have. And he did it 140 years ago.
T. De Witt Talmage (1832-1902) was a sanctimonious Brooklyn preacher who attained a huge following in the 19th century as an orator and prolific author. Overflow crowds attended his Sunday sermons at The Brooklyn Tabernacle.
Brooklyn Tabernacle
While many people were quite enthralled by Talmage, there were just as many critics who called him a “pulpit clown” and a “mountebank.”
As would be expected from any of the crusading Victorian holy rollers, Talmage railed against vice and crime in his writings and firebrand speeches. His verse contains the typical road to ruin warnings that make reading his books unbearable today. However, Talmage did manage to string together some words that still ring true. Especially about lying.
If you didn’t know any better, you would swear that Talmage is describing our modern day politicians. This short passage is from 1872.
LIES: WHITE AND BLACK.
There are ten thousand ways of telling a lie. A man’s entire life may be a falsehood, while with his lips he may not once directly falsify. There are those who state what is positively untrue, but afterwards say, “may be,” softly. These departures from the truth are called “white lies;” but there is really no such thing as a white lie. Continue reading
What’s Really Important
A Reflection Of Our Stupidity As A Nation
DeWitt Clinton– the main proponent of the Erie Canal; New York Governor; U.S. Senator; a man who built an infrastructure that would transform American life, enhancing economic opportunity, political participation, and intellectual awareness – has a significantly shorter entry on Wikipedia than the MTV show Jersey Shore.
