How Historic Events Would Be Covered By The Media If They Were Written About With 2018 Attitudes

If The Media Covered These Historic Events Now, It Might Read Something Like This

We view historic events with 21st century attitudes and ideas. It’s called presentism.

Reader warning: satire ahead.

 A Rampage of Sexual Harassment in Times Square (V.J. Day 1945)

As pedestrians watch, an American sailor celebrates by passionately kissing and sexually assaulting a white-uniformed nurse in Times Square to celebrate the long awaited-victory over Japan  photo: Alfred Eisenstaedt / Life Magzine

Crowd in Times Square celebrates V.J. Day photo: Ezra Stoller

As word spread that the Empire of Japan had unconditionally surrendered and that the war was finally over, pandemonium broke loose in New York City’s Times Square yesterday.

Thousands of frenzied, jubilant people gathered to celebrate. Men and women, civilians and servicemen were among the throng, some of whom were kissing total strangers.

There were some women, and a couple of men, in the crowd who felt they were violated by the sudden outburst of spontaneous kissing.

One anonymous woman who was kissed by a sailor said was outraged that the sailor had grabbed her and planted a kiss square on her lips. “I was kissed against my will. The cops should have arrested that man for sexual harassment. They should put him in jail for 20 years.” the woman said.

Others present viewed the victory celebration differently. Upon questioning, several women kissed by strangers were not angry.

“I am so happy the war is over,” said Gloria Sullytas, “what was the big deal? l got kissed by someone I didn’t know. Ain’t it grand?”

V.J. Day Times Square photo: Erza Stoller

Cassandra Dayglock, another woman who was kissed said, “To tell the truth, I was happy and wanted to kiss somebody. This man came up to me and  kissed me just before I was about to kiss him.”

One man who did not wish to give his name was upset that a woman he did not know kissed him. He remarked, If my wife found out about this, ohhhh boy would I be in deep water.”

For others who were not present in Times Square, the euphoria was viewed as one big crime scene.

“It was definitely sexual harassment on a mass scale. That is what happened in Times Square. There is no excuse for this sort of mayhem,” said Miss Myrtle Robinblood a spokesperson for PCCC (Politically Correct Citizens Committee). “Men in the armed services should have controlled their emotions,” Miss Robinblood  theorized, “how many women do you suppose were permanently scarred by this celebration?”

The pressure from groups like the PCCC will lead to an investigation. The New York Police Department says they will examine news photographs that were taken in Times Square.

Of the estimated crowd of 100,000, the police will try and identify the approximately 25,000 servicemen and 25,000 civilian men who participated in the rowdy celebration. Those who are identified and found will be charged with sexual battery.

Warner Brothers To Abandon “Talkies” As First All-Sound Film Is Jeered At Premiere (1927)

First “talkie” movie starring Jolson is an instant failure.

It was supposed to be a revolutionary transition but it turned out to be a giant miscalculation.

Warner Brothers pictures premiered the first feature, all talking-singing film last night at Warner’s Theater, 1664 Broadway in New York City.

The Jazz Singer starring popular vaudeville singer Al Jolson outraged some audience members.

The Jazz Singer tells the story of how the son (Jolson) of a Jewish Cantor must defy the traditions of his religious father in order to pursue his dream of becoming a jazz singer.

While viewing the film, many in the audience were shocked when Jolson spoke. But they were aghast when Jolson donned blackface and began to sing. Someone in the theater shouted, “It’s a minstrel show!” A few other audience members hooted and hollered to show their disapproval.

Al Jolson watching the film from the back of the theater had to flee for his life as he was recognized by many of the patrons who began to attack him.

“The story is irrelevant.” complained a woman who was in the audience, “this is just downright offensive. If this represents talking pictures I want no part of it”

Warner Brothers reacted swiftly and said they would halt distribution of the movie and cease making sound movies as they may be offensive to some people.

Warner Bothers president Jack Warner stated. “It was a silly idea to make sound films. If we had continued making sound films, a character might have said something that could get someone angry. I knew we shouldn’t have tried to be innovative. Sound is a bad idea. Silent films are the way to go.”

The Jazz Singer’s writers were immediately suspended by the Warner Brothers studio and director Alan Crosland was fired. Al Jolson’s contract was dropped and a petition began circulating to boycott his live stage appearances.

As word spread of the commotion the film had caused, other studio executives voiced solidarity to stay the course with silent films. Paramount Pictures president Adolph Zukor spoke for the industry when he said, “We’ve seen the future and it’s not talkies. We have a responsibility to keep the status quo. Moving pictures are family entertainment and we should never do anything that upsets the masses.”

Injustice in California – Man Held For Murder Hasn’t Killed Anyone (1969)

Commune leader Charles Manson held on unfounded charges

Charles Manson, a soft-spoken part time musician, who leads a commune is being held by the police for a string of murders he claims he did not commit.

Members in the commune say Manson ordered the murders of nine people in California this year between July and August . But Manson says he is innocent of actually killing anyone. The evidence shows he is telling the truth.

Yet Manson is languishing in prison and faces the immoral death penalty if he is convicted. About the killings he is accused of ordering Manson said, “These children that come at you with knives–they are your children. You taught them. I didn’t teach them. I just tried to help them stand up.”

Prosecutors admit they can’t place Manson anywhere near one of the murders.

So why he is being held? Amnesty TransAmerica a freedom rights group wants all the charges against Manson dropped. Bill Puganoowsky a spokesperson for Amnesty TransAmerica says there is no doubt that Manson is innocent of committing any murders.

“All Charles Manson did was to talk about a lot of things to impressionable young members of his commune. Who would have thought the people he was talking to would actually carry out his ramblings? No matter what transpired, Manson himself is innocent of murder and should be released immediately,” said Puganoowsky.

A motion for Manson’s release will be filed later today by his attorney.

1 thought on “How Historic Events Would Be Covered By The Media If They Were Written About With 2018 Attitudes

  1. Dana

    Funny stuff and sad at the same time.

    The world has gone mad with all the “politically correct” values. Intellectually, I’m the equal of any man. I don’t feel my opinions and rights have been diminished. As far as pay goes, yes it isn’t fair that women are paid less than men for the same work. That will eventually change, but it will take time and enlightened thinking to accomplish. There are a lot of things in the world that aren’t “fair.”

    But I sometimes feel that I was born a hundred years too late. I like being a woman and being treated like one. The idea of having men hold open doors for me or give up their seat for me on a crowded bus or train or removing their hats seems very chivalrous and has an appeal for me that I think will never occur in my lifetime.


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