Distracting Devices, Double Parked Trucks And Too Much Perfume

There are hundreds of things that are daily annoyances in New York. But to live in New York you have to be impervious to many of them. Bad behavior is avoidable, but many New Yorker’s think they are above everyone else and the rules of civility or the law do not apply to them.

Obviously the sort of behaviors described below are not confined to New York City, but seem to flourish here. Here are my top 10 stupid/rude/self-centered actions that get my blood pressure rising.

1 – People Who Walk Around With Those Giant Golf Umbrellas (a.k.a the inconsiderate bastard umbrella)

Okay its raining, you don’t have to cover an area the size of Missouri with your ginormous umbrella which is more appropriate for the beach rather than city streets.

They are called golf umbrellas and unless you are playing a round at Augusta, they are too big for the city. EVERY time you pass a person with one of these monstrosities they always  bump into your umbrella or nearly take out an eye. The people carrying them are unapologetic dunderheads.

2 – Women Who Douse Themselves In Perfume

Let’s get one thing straight: 99 out of 100 people do not need perfume.

This is not 1789 Louis XVI France where people never bathe or modern France where they bathe twice per year.

Of course some women aspire to smell like strippers, but unless you are going for the pole-dancer scent you don’t need perfume or cologne to make you smell decent. Regular showering and soap use is quite enough.

If you are putting on more than the tiniest amount of perfume we can smell you and let me tell you – you STINK! No one else is going to tell you, so I will. You could kill an army with the amount of perfume you’re wearing and you don’t even realize it.

In a subway, bus, elevator, restaurant or other enclosed place you, Ms. Valentine Valentina Assoluto wearer, are more offensive than the stinkiest gas emission from your arse.

So let me reiterate- perfume is not sexy and no one likes your god-awful perfume except you. So stop wearing so much of it. By the way, this goes for men too.

3 – Those Who Text While Crossing the Street

New York City recently started a campaign where they have painted the word “L O O K” in big bold white letters on the ground at major intersections. Has this tactic impacted the number of self-absorbed neanderthals from actually looking up from their mobile device while crossing the street so they cross with the light and don’t get plowed into by a vehicle or bicycle? Definitely not.

You can add to this phenomenon, people walking on the sidewalk as they tap away a very important text message, completely indifferent to the forklift they are about to walk into or the open sidewalk cellar doors they will fall down into.

And if they bump into you while they were texting?

That was your fault.

4 – Drivers Who Text While Driving

There is a new law in New York that tacks on five points to your license if you are caught texting while driving. Good.

They should have it be a one thousand dollar fine as well. There is simply no excuse for this.

5 – People Who Let Their Dogs Urinate and Defecate On Plants and Trees or in the Middle of the Sidewalk  

There is a law in New York for dog owners called “Curb Your Dog.” For not following this law a stiff fine is supposed to be doled out, and I’m sure someone has gotten ticketed for violating it, but I have never ever seen it enforced.

Surprisingly, many people do not understand that “curb” means you are supposed to literally bring your mangy dog to the curb of the street to allow it to do its business. Instead some dog-owners let Fido pee or crap right on the few flowers or trees that adorn our streets. We should all take some time to stop and smell the urine… err, I mean flowers.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the few miscreants who leave their dog crap on the sidewalk. And if you’re lucky it will be right in the middle of the sidewalk for you to step into.

6 – People Who Yell/Talk Incredibly LOUDLY Into Their Cell Phones In Public

Oblivious idiots pure and simple.

7 – Trucks That Double Park While Unloading Even When There Is A Spot Available

Traffic is bad enough in New York City without double parking. Cars are sometimes the perpetrators but the majority of the offenders are trucks. Big trucks.

These delivery trucks act with impunity when they double park. I understand they have to make a delivery, but many times there are available spots open and they will ignore the spot and double or even triple park to unload.

Why?

Because unloading in a no standing zone the fine is more expensive than getting a double parking ticket. Many times a delivery person can park in the no standing zone as it usually has provisions for trucks loading and unloading. They’ll also do something unconscionable and double park at the same point on both sides of the street so that only one lane of traffic can get by.

Add this to the uncaring, car-hating former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg and former DOT Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan’s ill-conceived bicycle lanes and the MTA’s unused designated bus lanes and you have created the ultimate traffic nightmare.

The sad part about all of this is that when trucks are ticketed for double parking, all the revenue supposedly being derived from the ticketing does not get collected.

These big companies (delivery services such as UPS, moving truck company’s etc.)  make deals with the city and get to write off hundreds of thousand of dollars in parking tickets.

The biggest offender for double parking and idling their engines that I constantly see? The Fresh Direct food delivery trucks.

I will never buy anything from them. Ever.

8 – People Who Feed Winged Rats (Pigeons)

I’m sitting in the park at lunch during work reading a newspaper, when some decrepit bag lady comes along and sits beside me and starts throwing hundreds of tiny scraps of bread on the ground. Within moments, dozens of pigeons have descended upon the area like locusts in a feeding frenzy.

I know there are bird lovers in the city. But pigeons crap on everything and they are simply disgusting. Also whatever food the pigeons don’t eat gets eaten by vermin.

And yes, there are more rats than people in New York City.

9 – Bicyclists That Go the Wrong Way on Streets and /or Run Red Lights

I ride my bicycle every day and guess what: I obey the laws. I stop at the red lights and don’t go down the wrong way on one way streets. Having shown my moral superiority, I am in awe of cyclists who go speeding by pedestrians who are legally in a crosswalk or cyclists coming from the opposite direction that traffic is flowing, scaring the bejeezus out of people not looking in the wrong direction. The police can seemingly only crack down on Alec Baldwin.

I know several people that have been injured by bicyclists flagrantly disobeying traffic laws.

I’ve also seen where the offending bicyclist knocks down someone crossing the street when the pedestrian has the light, and then the cyclist yells at the pedestrian.

Rude and downright criminal.

10 – People Who Walk on the Wrong Side of the Street And Bump Into You

This last one may seem petty. But I am sick of this.

Guess what? This is not England.

Here in New York we walk on the right side of the street.

Hey it’s crowded enough here – don’t bump into me (sometimes very hard like you are trying to give me a hockey check) and keep walking without saying sorry or excuse me if you are walking against the flow of traffic.

Bonus Annoyance

11 – People Who Make Lists On Web Sites Complaining About Things That Will Never Change

I can’t stand reading long lists about other people’s complaints. Like they can change anything with their sniveling, whiny rants. I mean why would you… ohhh….. did I just….. sorry about this.