Category Archives: Comedy

Signs In French

Real Signs In France

The French have a different way of doing things. Especially with their signage.

Here are three signs that caught my attention.

baggage troubles french sign sillyThis one was on a train going from Paris to southern France. It says:

Forgot Your Luggage? Worries Guaranteed!

Now I’m not quite sure if they literally meant it. That if you lost or left your baggage on the train that you would be worried. Well of course you would! Or is this the French way of saying, “You are screwed if you lose your luggage. So don’t lose it!”

Something definitely got lost in translation. Maybe hire a proofreader who understands English when the next version of this sign is created.

The next one doesn’t need any words, even though it had them only in French. This was near the beach. Continue reading

A President Behind Home Plate

Who Is That Masked Man? A Future President? Ask Chevy Chase.

Future President Gerald Ford plays baseball in 1949

No, It’s not Donald Trump. Trump did play baseball in college. But behind home plate is a career politician who later became President.

Maybe a closer look will help.

Close-up of President Ford 1949 playing catcher in a softball gameWhen catching a ball it usually helps to have your eyes open. We’ll pardon you if you didn’t recognize Chevy Chase’s favorite comedic target when starring on Saturday Night Live,  President Gerald Ford.

The 1949 photograph comes from the UPI archive. We see Michigan Congressman Gerald Ford crouching behind home plate. In the batters box Representative Glenn R. Davis of Wisconsin demonstrates how to execute a bunt improperly by gripping and exposing his right fingers around the bat directly into the path of the ball so he can break his fingers.

Contrary to popular belief, Gerald Ford was very athletic and was not clumsy or simpleminded. In 1934 Ford was named the Most Valuable Player of the University of Michigan’s football team.

Why and when did people begin thinking Ford was awkward?

Probably when President Ford fell down a few steps disembarking Airforce One in Vienna on June 1, 1975. He also stumbled a few more times on the trip. Unfortunately for Ford, network TV was there to capture the airplane moment and show it nationally.

Then, Chevy Chase capitalized on the event and began portraying Gerald Ford in comedic sketches on SNL, as absent-minded, uncoordinated, constantly falling down and being prone to accidents. Though Chase neither looked or sounded like Ford, people began to believe that Chase’s characterization was how Ford was in real life!

For a year, week after week, Chase satirized President Ford on late night TV.

Finally, Ford and Chase met each other at the Radio and Television Correspondents Association dinner on March 25, 1976.

At the dinner in front of 1000 people at the Washington Hilton Hotel, Chase performed his Gerald Ford routine as President Ford sat at the dais and laughed at his impersonator.

Afterwards, Ford got up to speak and said Continue reading

Lawmakers Hope To Charge Everyone To Enter NYC – The Astonishing Total Congestion Pricing Plan

With Vehicle Congestion Pricing Imminent, On Horizon Is Total Congestion Pricing

Pricing Wall NYC

Proposed Total Congestion Fee Map – A plan to tax all New Yorkers to enter Manhattan

By Lipra Loof, Special STAFF REPORTER to SNCA | April 1, 2019

New York City Mayor Bill de Blassio and Governor Andrew Cuomo, have come together to support a congestion fee for all vehicles entering Manhattan from the Battery to 60th Street. As controversial as that idea is, the next proposal may be considered drastic and have some citizens scratching their heads.

Total Congestion Pricing – a plan to charge anyone entering any part of Manhattan has arrived. The proposal is being hailed by some as a courageous and innovative way to further reduce Manhattan’s congestion.

This plan would see the city charge a fixed fee to enter Manhattan via bus, train, bicycle and even walking.

Last night at a news conference alongside city and state officials, Mr. de Blassio and Mr. Cuomo unveiled the plan.

The city and state chiefs who rarely see eye to eye, said in unison, “We were not originally on board for the vehicle congestion pricing. But car-hating special interest groups and the MTA with their constant need for money have forced our hand and we had to cave in. After the vehicle congestion pricing plan gets finalized and hopefully passed by the state legislature, we will try and institute this bigger and bolder plan to rid our streets of all congestion.”

The governor and mayor continued, “We can completely eliminate congestion by removing the main cause of congestion-  the people.”

“If people don’t want to pay a fee to be here, then we’ll have no people in the city and we will have solved the congestion issue once and for all,” Mr. de Blassio enthused.

Fifth Avenue – The way the whole city may look after Total Congestion Pricing is instituted.

Deputy Mayor Paul Frehley said “Putting an eight dollar fee on drivers, is okay for starters. Continue reading

This “Conversation” Actually Happened On A Help Website

A One-Sided Stupid Conversation With A Help Website

computer typingWhether its an appliance, a car or a computer, that you have a question about, there are “expert” web sites that will answer your question – almost always for a fee it turns out.

These sites claim an expert is available to immediately have a conversation with you and will answer your question. A pop-up appears on your browser with a name and avatar and asks you to type in your question.

You may or may not realize that most of the time there is no one on the other end conversing with you.

It’s a “bot” with an automated algorithmic program, which will do nothing but in the end try and extract $ or £ out of your purse. No matter what you type and say to the “helper”, you will get a response. Any user of one of these sites will earnestly type in their questions and possibly discover they are wasting their time by having a one-sided exchange.

How mush stupider could I get? Well read below. Here’s a transcript of a “conversation” I had with a music instrument appraiser’s assistant. This is the response I received to my “questions”.

The Conversation

Virtual Assistant avatarP*** Ma****ki, Musical Instrument Appraiser’s Assistant

Welcome! How can I help with your appraisal question?

You

I have a nuclear trumpet which when played sets off fusion bombs. I have some hydrogen and extra uranium that I can load into it. My concern is that I cannot play it on Jupiter without a car. I’m 5-years-old and considered retarded by my parents, Bathory and Dagwood. I’ve told them its not PC anymore to call anyone retarded but they are 116 and 111-years-old respectively. We live in the rubbish bin and it is very dark in here. Will you adopt my trumpet or me?

Signs Of The Times – Funny Road Signs

Real Signs Seen On The Roads

Fire Danger Don't EVen Fart sign

“Fire Danger, Don’t Even Fart” sign in Arizona

With Photoshop you can alter anything. But all these signs purport to be real.

We’ve put in whatever information we know about the signs.

Funny soad sign in Wyoming

Road sign in Wyoming

Doesn’t this sign apply to most of Wyoming?

Billboard graffiti - God Listens- To Slayer!

Someone defaced this billboard in Cincinnati

Who knew that God was a headbanger? Continue reading

The Woman in the First Row Behind Home Plate At Milwaukee Brewers Games? It’s “Front Row Amy”

“Front Row Amy” Gets National Attention Sitting Behind Home Plate During The Milwaukee Brewers Playoff Run

She is there for every pitch – “Front Row Amy”

The Milwaukee Brewers are battling the Los Angeles Dodgers in the playoffs and the games are being nationally televised. This has led to a discovery for most (male) fans outside of Milwaukee.

Front Row Amy

You’d have to be completely oblivious not to notice there is a woman sitting in the first row behind home plate at the Brewers home games always wearing a low cut blouse.

You may think she is there to distract the opposing team’s pitcher. She is not. She has been going to Brewers games for over 10 years and her name is Amy Williams, aka “Front Row Amy.”

Amy is a die-hard fan. As a season ticket holder she attends around 50 games per year. In 2011 she moved to her signature front row seat and started getting “noticed.”

As she told OnMilwaukee.com in 2011, “What first got people’s attention was probably, well, you know, “the girls.” But, I think what keeps their attention is that fact that I am so passionate about the Brewers. Brewers fans appreciate the fact that I drive an hour and a half to games by myself, that I keep score, and that I really get into the game! The Brewers are my life during baseball season, and I guess that shows when I’m at games. I love them so much it hurts! And baseball is the greatest game on Earth!” How famous is Amy? Well she has a bobble-head available for purchase. I don’t know many fans who have received that honor. She also has imitators at Miller Park, such as this person, “Front Row Andy.” Getting to the ballpark Continue reading

Classic Hollywood #72 – Outtake Photo Of The Legends Of Comedy

Outtake Photo of  The Legends of Comedy

Just before posing for a formal photograph, an unnamed Globe photographer captured this informal moment. This photograph was unpublished until now. Flanking the seated Lucille Ball are (l-r) Milton Berle, George Burns, Jack Benny, Bob Hope, Groucho Marx and longtime Lucy co-star Gale Gordon.

The only one who seems ready for this photo is Lucy. Everyone else is completely distracted.

The photo below Continue reading

A Misunderstanding In The Record Store

Never Send Mom To The Record Store To Buy A Record – A True Story

There was a time when the only way to buy music was to purchase it on tape or vinyl, usually at a record or department store. The year was 1983 and a friend of mine, Kyle worked in the local record store.

His knowledge and love of rock n’ roll led him to pursue this part-time minimum wage position to help support his college tuition.

Kyle’s job was to stock the store with new product as it came in and help customers with any needs.

So one day as Kyle is sorting vinyl he notices a middle-aged woman looking at the bins that hold the records. She was obviously not finding whatever it was she was searching for in the “R” section.

Kyle approached the woman, smiled and said. “Can I help you find something?”

“Oh, yes,” the woman replied, “my son sent me to buy the new rubber plant record, but I can’t seem to find it.”

Kyle’s eyebrows went up and he repeated the name to her, “rubber plant?”

“Yes, rubber plant,” the woman confirmed distinctly emphasizing-the last r in rubber. Continue reading

How Historic Events Would Be Covered By The Media If They Were Written About With 2018 Attitudes

If The Media Covered These Historic Events Now, It Might Read Something Like This

We view historic events with 21st century attitudes and ideas. It’s called presentism.

Reader warning: satire ahead.

 A Rampage of Sexual Harassment in Times Square (V.J. Day 1945)

As pedestrians watch, an American sailor celebrates by passionately kissing and sexually assaulting a white-uniformed nurse in Times Square to celebrate the long awaited-victory over Japan  photo: Alfred Eisenstaedt / Life Magzine

Crowd in Times Square celebrates V.J. Day photo: Ezra Stoller

As word spread that the Empire of Japan had unconditionally surrendered and that the war was finally over, pandemonium broke loose in New York City’s Times Square yesterday. Continue reading